 Editorials
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7-24-02
What time is Oprah on?-
I'VE BEEN READING more and more in the news lately
about the concerns for hormone replacement therapy i.e.
HRT. This got me to contemplating
the whole issue about the need for hormone replacement.
What I figured out is this: The reason women need the
replacement in the first place is that they are no longer
producing the necessary hormones that in essence, make
them act like a woman. I know, some of you at this moment
are thinking…Duh! Well, these are not things that
the ordinary guy work-a-day guy thinks about. Which
brings me to my point. The loss of the hormones can
only mean one thing. You are slowly beginning to turn
into a MAN!
I know this is shocking news, but let's look at the
symptoms that they are saying the average candidate
for HRT is experiencing:
- Hot flashes (my whole life is one big hot flash).
- You have a hard time remembering things, especially
small details (This has been the biggest complaint
about me from every woman I have ever known!).
- You have excess body hair growth and hair loss on
your head (I'm not going there.).
Women, are you starting to get the picture? This is
the first stage of changing into a man.
I have compiled a Top Ten List
of of the advanced warning signs:
- Putting off housecleaning until the next day (which
seldom comes until the day before guests arrive.)
- Sudden interest in doing things outside the house
to get away from the noise inside.
- Finding yourself more interested in watching sports
on TV.
- You start to think that the chin whiskers aren't
so bad after all and may be just the new look you've
been seeking.
- It's easier to cut your hair short than fixing
it every day.
- Your idea of clothes to wear out of the house consists
of sweat pants.
- Your concept of a perfect retirement changes from
a flowery cottage near your grandkids to a cabin on
a lake and a fishing boat far away.
- People ask for your autograph because they mistake
you for John Madden.
- An ideal vacation sounds more like going on an
elk hunt rather than visiting museums and flower shows.
- You start to get the urge to pee whenever you get
near a tree.
The ironic thing here is the other
side of the coin. Men start to
lose their testosterone and begin to whine about
missing Martha Stewart programs and become weepy during
Oprah episodes.
Until next time, I'm outta here. Oprah is about to
come on.
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